What to read: November Edition.

Hello Darlings,

I have decided to do this blog even though it lost on the votes. I think it is important we read as I am a strong believer that knowledge is power and let us be honest… there’s nothing like picking up a crisp new book and taking it everywhere with you to submerge yourself into foreign galaxies and fall in love with fictional characters.  So, I have put together a couple of books, one for each week of October that I love almost in memory of my English literature A level which I thoroughly enjoyed. With that my little bookworms, we shall explore…

The first book:

Without a doubt the most gorgeous and thought-provoking novel of almost all time. This novel is so carefully thought through that it indicates works of a pure genius. Fitzgeralds ability to understand human perspectives from male and female, rich and poor is phenomenal. Fitzgerald has many good books and small notes however I believe this is his finest hour!

F – Scott Fitzgerald’s – The Great Gatsby.

The second book:

‘Stargirl’ was recommended by a beautiful fairy friend of mine. this modernized book set in the present day is truly astounding. Focusing on the brutality of modern day life including social pressures and bullying through school. This book with its wonderful words brought me to my knees and I ended up finishing it in two days. Well, what can I say? I was hooked.

Jerry Spinelli -Stargirl.

The third;

My most loved and treasured author of all time Sylvia Plath’s the glorious ‘Bell Jar’, never have I connected with a book quite like this I truly believe it was literally written for and about me. It is genius and unapologetically real. There is speculation that it has biographical contents of Plath’s life. The whole book is amazing. It is my all time favorite and one I can read over and over again.

Sylvia Plath – The Bell Jar.

The fourth and final book for October:

Matt Haig – Reasons To Stay Alive.

An astounding read. one which indefinitely changed my life. an easy read about Mr. Haig’s experiences with mental health and equally physical health. It is important to read other peoples struggles if they resonate with yourself.

I don’t want to give too much away by telling you what each book is about in great detail however, you most definitely should invest in these books as they are truly my October favourites!

Enjoy.

Love, S x

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Blood is thicker than water but ice is more solid than blood when times get cold.y

Hello Darlings,

This one is for those who dip off in hard times. Friends, family, neighbours, teachers. Anyone who has left you to your own devices when you needed them probably the most. Sometimes it is easier for people to walk away than it is to help you and your cause. This can often leave you feeling guilty and inadequate. Often, this actually has nothing to do with you and is, in fact, a reflection of others. You have to sometimes come to terms with the facts that not everyone is built as strong as you. This can be increasingly hard-hitting but never something that should slow you or your recovery down.

When someone you love knocks you down its 100% worse than when anyone else does. It’s important to remember that you’re growing and just because somebody has something to say doesn’t necessarily mean that they are correct regardless of age, sex or gender. Often we have a perception that family is a positive thing sometimes this is not the case. There are even times when your family may possibly feel like your worst enemies. This doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you have SOMEONE to go to. Someone to count on. Regardless of who that is.

I am sure that in each and every single one of your families there is that one person who you don’t get along with. Don’t agree with. This is ok. I hate the fact that people think just because you are related to someone by blood means you are related to them by soul and heart. So many young people struggle with loneliness because their parents are against them or against what they do and this is not ok. Parents and family members, in general, can be wrong. Please don’t turn round to your family and be disrespectful, you should always set an example in yourself regardless of how others act. I’m just saying, just because someone has age on you or someone has experience on you doesn’t mean that they have KNOWLEDGE on you.

Another thing is, although parents and family members like to have a say in obviously how you are and what you do it doesn’t mean that they KNOW what you should do. If you enjoy something and wish to pursue it then you should have ultimate control over what it is you do. Your body, mind and soul, your choice. Saying this, it is common that parents/family members are only trying to help which is, of course, supportive and fine. But if at any point you feel trodden on or uncomfortable then you can remove yourself from that situation, let them know you’re hurt and just take yourself for a breather.

My mother and my stepdad (Dad) are both my best friends and they’re both so open-minded, intelligent and understanding that I can have different opinions to them and still get on with them like a house on fire. My mom knows me better than I know myself which is such a great thing because often I don’t know what I need or want, in which case she is ALWAYS there. My stepdad who I call my dad is levelled, balanced and honest. he has crossed thousands of miles for me in order to keep me safe. No time is too late at night or too early in the morning for him. Nothing is too much. It is often that I feel like I have a dad because of him and I am proud that he is mine.

Equally, all three of us can be worst enemies but I feel as though I am a lucky one in the respect that this isn’t very often. It is important to know that if you do not have a solid support network at home that you can find it in wonderful friends and extended family members. You can’t always be everyone’s cup of tea but you might just be someones shot of whisky. remember that you need to put yourself first. be selfish. You know you. You can count on you. Be confident within yourself to have the courage to stand by your own convictions (that’s one of my step-dads (dads) lines).

and if you haven’t heard it in a while? I am PROUD of you.

If you ever need a family unit then my house is always open, we are crazy and cool but you’re all welcome and we would LOVE to have you.

All my Love, S x

‘Juliet’ By S.Fox, written in 2017.

Hello Darlings,

Well as you may already know. I’ve been a keen poetry writer now for about 5 years. I’ve never really shared my poetry. But it’s important that I do. It might inspire. It might assist. It might entertain. So, here you have it. Written in 2017 – this is “Juliet”, see what you think? Let me know, do you understand it?

Copyright to Pinterest. I do not own this image.

Let me tell you

Because I doubt anyone else will

Do you want to know, it doesn’t matter

You’re going to be told

If you know me, you’d call me a hypocrite

If you don’t, lucky you

I am a girl

And I am pretty honest

Nails, hair, body shape, hourglass

Opinion, irrelevant, muted, reserve

Periods, babies, motherhood, change

Ruled, overridden, forgotten, misunderstood

Lower wage, I think not monsieur

Paying for sanitary items, I’ll steal them

Thank-you, kind sir

Abortions illegal, excuse me mister

Our tolerance for injustice is harrowing

For real you’re telling me your husband

Won’t commit infidelity because he said to you

… its forever

And you’ll apologise, because you’re in the wrong

But he laid with another

And instead of petrol bombing his car

You’ll make him dinner

Ive watched it, I’ve lived it

Ive played poor Juliet, she was nice but i had to kill her

What good is a girl who thinks she’s a doll

What goods a girl at all

I am no girl, got you though – didn’t i

I’m a constellation, a goddess, the queen and

The king

I’m crushed and I’m crumbles

But i am never finished, not until

I’m done.

Love, S x

About modelling.

Hello Darlings,

So many of you guys question me on the jobs I do. I actually have quite a few in all honesty: I am training to be a legal executive/lawyer, I am a pageant girl, I am a catwalk and promotional model. I also do a lot of other things that bring in money but I wouldn’t really class them as ‘jobs’. However, earning honest money by working hard isn’t always easy. I’m going to tell you a little bit about my modelling so you guys can decide (if you get the opportunity) if this is for you or not.

Firstly, you need money to make money initially. Big companies sometimes want you to spend horrible amounts of money on clothes before you actually start working for them as a model. If you do this you’ll never become a model because companies will learn they can get money from you without giving you anything in return apart from the items you’ve brought. This is NOT modelling. You don’t pay a company to model THEIR clothes. They pay you. you’re not a model if you do this. So don’t be lulled into a false sense of fame because these companies are USING you and that’s what you have to look out for.

I personally love being a model because its very suited to me in the respect that i know what people want, I know what looks good and i know what sells and i think this is what makes me a success in the modelling industry. Also, right now i am at the very lowest rung if you like on the ladder, I’m at the bottom of the food chain almost which is a very exciting place to be because youre new and fresh and companies are hunting for you. Don’t think just because youre not big and famous yet that you would be a success. Its the little triumphs that matter.

You need to find what suits you. I dont think i have ever followed conventional trends in my entire life. I was voted the ‘best dressed female’ in the good old school days because of this. I was unique and slightly odd and people like that. What im saying is you dont need to be a conventional model to be a success. You need to be yourself and if the industry is right at that time – things will come flying at you.

I wouldn’t go searching, i would never go searching to try and be a model. I allow others to come to me. I think if you go to loads of agencies and pay ridiculous amounts of money thst youre not really a model. You have to be picked. Scouted. Found. Someone has to see you for who you are and not how much money you’re willing to pay. I think this is important as so many girls are trying to become models when in reality its the life they think they want but its not the like they actually want. Its a whole world of hurt if things dont go your way and its a gaurantee that most the time in actual fact they won’t. You have to be able to be picked apart and sewn back together again. This is why anyone younger than 18 should SERIOUSLY consider being a model.

I am 19 now and im only ‘rising’ (quote from the beautiful Lottie) but it is so much pressure to be in this game. Theres a constant battle with eating and the gym and not being picked for things and then being picked for too many things and realistically you just need to remeber not to take it so seriously. Good things come to those who wait.

If you have any questions or need to talk to someone who is extremely experienced in both failing and flying then please let me know.

Love, S x

Become your own life coach. NOW.

Hello darlings,

Thank goodness this one was voted in from the Instagram poll. We NEED some positivity up in here! I love this blog because this is how I live my life and its taken 18 years to get here. I am proud and I want to share how I did this with you, so you can all be a boss babe or a boss man like me! Its all about taking the power back. The control is in your hands, heart, and mind… this one is up to you.

DECIDE that comparison DOES NOT exist in your life. I do not care how fat her ass is, how big his arms are, the fact X has got a new car and Y goes out every night to eat at expensive restaurants. NO, NO, NO comparison. comparing is not ok. You will do yourself more damage comparing yourself to others than if you were to be hit by a bus. Ok, so maybe I exaggerated, a little? The only person you should compare your self to IS yourself. Are you better than yesterday? Are you trying harder? Would tomorrows self-be proud of today’s self? Tell yourself every morning: ”I am me. gorgeous and brave. I have survived 100% of everything I have been through so far in life and I am capable to withstand future storms because I am me, unique and fierce. Incapable of comparison because EVERYONE is equal. I am humble and confident. I am kind and will assist he/she who calls upon me to support and help” and this is how we shall all prosper. It is important to help everyone in your life because whatever goes up, must come down. Karma is a brutal bitch (like me) so you need to make sure you’re not ruining things for yourself in the long run. Be selfless and give. All will come back to you, in the end. Only try and be better than yesterday. Only try and better yourself.

My art and design/photography teacher once told me that ‘if you fail to plan, you plan to fail’, planning is so important to be an absolute queen or king because you need to know what you’re doing and be aware of what others are doing too. This makes your life more organized and therefore inevitably results in you being less stressed. This encourages efficiency so you can get more things done in a day. I am always writing to do lists so that I know exactly whats got to be done and by when. Just don’t get too caught up, somethings things don’t always go to plan and you need to sit back and firstly understand why things haven’t gone to plan and then fix the source of the problem rather than the result of the problem. Please also consider that you cannot control everything. You should deal with things that are in your control and things that aren’t you should let go of. You need to be able to tell yourself when enough worrying IS ENOUGH. Don’t focus on what anyone else is doing whether that be a friend, family, boyfriend/girlfriend, let them do them and you do you and i guarantee that you will be much better for it and equally happier.

The next thing I do is CTRL, ALT, DELETE. If someone in my life is not feeding my soul with knowledge, support, love, and laughter then they get deleted. Straight removed. Ain’t NOBODY going to have the power over my emotions and feelings to make me feel a certain way toward myself. No one is more powerful than my own mind and spiritual wellbeing. I am categorically joint number one in my life alongside the man i am going to marry. No one is above or below me so no one’s opinion or remark matters but my own. I am sick of people coming to me because they’re in a hard situation regarding people making them feel like shit when in reality they’re harming themselves by allowing that person to be present within their life. I was seriously abused for 2 years in the name of ‘love’ and I am telling you now from experience that it is both the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. Its the worst because I allowed it to control me and its the best because now no matter who comes and goes I know it doesn’t matter because I can count on myself. I am without a doubt the strongest person I know and its because of all I’ve been through.

I love myself. Yep, that’s right – I said it. plain and simple. I LOVE LOVE LOVE myself. In every shape and form. When I’m dressed up and beautiful when I’ve just woken up when I’m going to bed, makeup, no makeup, crying and grumpy. I love myself. why? because I am the sperm that won. Ok, joke again.. but because if I don’t, who will? Nothing is guaranteed and love is one of the basic needs for a human to function. You have to love yourself in a world where models aren’t pretty unless they’re size -8 and boys aren’t attractive unless they are tall and hench. This is called fucking the stereotype. it is being aware that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and nothing more. The alternate opinion would be that beauty doesn’t exist. But it does, I have a friend who thinks bruises are pretty, I have another friend who would prefer a ‘dad bod’ any day of the week. There is NO standard for beauty. Everything and anything is beautiful if you believe it to be. The more beauty you see, the happier you’ll be so I think to start with myself in the mirror each morning isn’t a bad place…

Be honest. Be straight about your expectations and your feelings. If someone hurts you then let them know if you’re proud of someone then let them know. People are stupid (apart from me) 3rd and probably the final joke… but seriously no one can understand hints or messages if they’re not looking out for hints and messages which most people aren’t. Just say, as brutal and as honest as you can be. This creates a standard for yourself. A divide between what you will and won’t take. Its self-preservation and self-care at its finest. You don’t have to be horrible to people but you need to let them know otherwise lines are crossed that people perhaps didn’t even know where there. Make it fair to everyone. If you create a standard people then have a choice to live up to your expectations or fall short. Black and white are better for everyone.

I intend to do a blog post about this last point so it is not going to be very long but when you put into your body reflects what comes out of your body. I am a vegan. I eat a strict, plant-based diet and only one meal per day most days. Although I should eat more I am definitely eating right. My conscience is clear as I am not harming anything in my quest to fitness, nothing is harmed in making myself stronger. I’m not saying go vegan but if you eat a sausage then you’re a sausage (haha, joke, genuinely last one) but just be kind to your body and consider what it needs not what you think it needs.

I want you all on my screens posting about how great you are and how much you all love yourself, guys and girls.

Message me if you need anything else.

GO BE THE BADDESTTT (oops that spots taken by me, (joke))

keep the vibe darlings,

love, S x

Dealing with Grief.

Hello Darlings,

Grief. This is a tricky one. It affects all of us. One day it’ll be us causing it. I hoped you guys wouldn’t select this topic, but you have and I think that’s important because it is probably the hardest to speak about. All I am going to say is if I can help just one of the hundreds of readers here today, I will have completed my purpose. With that said, let us do this. Together.

My grandma recently passed away, her name was Carol. She lived about an hour and a half away from me further north. It was unexpected. Although she had recently been diagnosed with cancer I hadn’t made contact with her. I didn’t wish to speak to her or ask how she was because how ridiculous it seemed to me to ask someone with cancer ‘How are you?’. Well, she died 2 weeks later. She didn’t even know I knew she had cancer. Strangely, she died from a heart attack in her own home which is what she would have wanted, I also believe this was a blessing as I would have hated to witness her suffering. A few weeks later my first and only pet was hit by a car outside my house. I remember feeling his warm little body, completely drenched by rain and was in so much shock it took me 3 days to stop calling him to come in for his dinner. Kobi broke my heart.

With my grandma my initial feeling was regret. I remember this astounding wave drown me as I remembered all the times I had with her sitting in her front room and smoking until the early hours of the morning and how she never used to lie about the ugly secrets of the family and how she never held back when I asked a question. It came to me that I was built like her then. I found a connection. We had the same coldness and strength as each other. I was able to separate myself from the negative thoughts that I was feeling and take my grandmothers qualities on with me through my life. I wrote her a note when I went to see her in the chapel of rest which really helped me. I put all my thoughts on paper, the last few things I needed to tie up and tell her: my engagement, new job, dreams all coming true. It made me feel as though she was still involved and that I had her blessing.

Kobi however, ripped my entire heart clean out. I don’t know whether it was the circumstances or how he looked or how he felt or how sudden and unexpected it was but I know that’s a pain that will be extremely hard to beat. Losing my kitten was worse than losing my grandma because I wanted my grandma to be with my grandad who had died when I was younger anyway, I wasn’t selfish with my grandma – I knew my grandad needed her somewhere in the clouds and that she would be more complete with him in death than she would be without him and with us in life. With Kobi I was angry. The world had taken my best friend. I wanted to go on a vendetta to find who had hit him. I wanted to scream and throw every car off the road, this whole time not really believing it could be him. There was nothing I could do and I couldn’t handle it. I always like to have control and in a situation like this.. you don’t. No one does. Nature has to take its natural course.

I had trained Kobi to walk along roads because I live next to one. He walked 3 miles with me along the roads almost every day in summer. I couldn’t understand. After everything we had been through, living alone together, being bullied and tormented together that he was now gone. He was the reason I got through the hardest and most unwanted part of my life. I spent the whole day after he died in bed. Which was needed? I needed to listen to my body and come to terms with what had happened. I needed to cry. I needed to be alone and I needed to process. Once I had done this, I slowly started to feel better… with my family around me and friends there supporting me things got easier.

I found the burial of Kobi who is known in my household as the ‘King of the World’ easier than my grandmas. We put Kobi in a very stylish Louboutin box with a red velvet blanket over him, we all said our last goodbyes (i took some of his furs to put in a locket which I now wear every day) and we kissed him goodnight. I was happy with his send-off I knew he would be proud and pleased with what I and the family had done for him. It is very painful to talk about and share with you all but I dealt with my raw grief for Kobi by feeling every single little emotion that presented itself to me. Whether that was anger, sadness, remembrance, love, hate, I felt them all honestly and didn’t try to avoid them. I learned a lot about myself by being so honest about how I felt for a change. I asked for help when I needed it and I allowed support from others.

I went to see my grandma after she had died in the chapel of rest. I would personally recommend not to go and see your deceased relatives or friends because in all honesty there absolutely NOTHING like their well and alive self. I will not go into too much detail because my experience was totally horrific but your relative will be cold due to their bodies being flushed, their hair is straw-like and their general features are very distorted. This can do more harm than good to some but I have seen some terrible things. I would stay it is far better to remember your friend or family member how they were in life. Although seeing my grandma was quite traumatic I immediately broke the barrier between life and death by going over to her where she lay in her coffin and kissed her head – my mom who used to work in a hospital told me I do this as she used to have to do. This grounded me as initially I was quite ‘freaked out’ by the fact someone who was once so alive, that I loved was passed away in front of me. So,  If you are going to see someone who is deceased I would highly recommend doing this. Despite the whole ordeal being uncomfortable I believe it was crucial to my realization of death and saying goodbye.

I think the key to healing from grief is welcoming different feelings. Don’t feel guilty for feeling anger or sadness or hatred. Just allow yourself to feel these emotions wholly and raw in their natural self. Think will aid your recovery and allow you to become a stronger person. Being honest about how you feel is often very hard and for some (like me) impossible. But even ‘impossible’ says ‘Im possible’.. and we can try. Just because people do not speak about the grief they have doesn’t mean they’re not feeling it and this is why you should be kind always – you never realize what someone else is going through.

One of my very good friends lost her dad when she was very young and she was still in school, to this day she is still heartbroken. But now she is starting her own family, which is phenomenal! My very best friend lost her mom, not long after this and every single day she is affected by what happened to her yet now she is a high flying entrepreneur in our very own capital city of London. These two girls astound me daily – they put up a fight against the world that they should never have had to! You should always be grateful for those you do have in your life. You should live every day as if it were your last. It is important that we have each other in hard times such as this. Most people who are suffering from grief are grateful just of a cup of tea or a quick text message. It only takes 2 seconds to brighten someone’s day.

I’m going to finish this blog post with a poem:

I have only slipped away into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other

That we are still

Call me by my old familiar name

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes, we always enjoyed together

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was

Let it be spoken without effort

Without the ghost of a shadow in it

Life means all that it ever meant

It is the same as it ever was

There is absolute unbroken continuity

What is death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you for an interval

Somewhere very near

Just around the corner

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost

One brief moment and all will be as it was before

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

~ Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918,
Canon of St Paul’s Cathedral

Thank you,

Love, S x

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

Hello Darlings, 

This was the winning vote on the Instagram poll this week to start a discussion – if you voted for this may you please find the time to message me ‘Why?’ you decided to pick this. I’m going to highlight that this may be a trigger warning for some readers however I am going to keep it as positive and factual as possible so if you do have any questions that are more personal and about my own struggles then please either message me on Instagram: @ssx.xaa OR alternatively e-mail me on businesssallyfox@icloud.com.

What is it?

BDD is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance – including their size, weight, and shape. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others. People of any age can have BDD, but it is most common in teenagers into young adulthood. Having BDD does not mean you are vain or self-obsessed. It can be very upsetting and have a big impact on your life. My personal struggles with BDD include an obsession with weight and size and focus on my lips, hips and boobs.

What are some signs?

Prevention is always better than cure so if you or anyone you know suffers from these signs please go to a doctor or at the very least tell someone – my inbox is always open x

  • Preoccupation with physical appearance: similar to anorexia nervosa and bulimia. I personally suffer from eating (I eat 1 meal a day) and do excessive exercise.
  • Frequently looking in the mirror OR not looking in a mirror at all. Again, I have personally removed all the mirrors in my house when I have been at my lowest.
  • Excessive grooming such as hair plucking. In my personal experience, I have been known to pull out sections of my own hair and ‘pick’ my lip until it bleeds. This is also a habit that is extremely hard to break for ANYONE who suffers from a mental disorder such as anxiety.
  • Comparing appearance with that of others.
  • Avoiding social situations. To anyone that knows me understands I am an extremely introverted person and actually hate being in groups. This has cost me friendships as peoples lack of understanding for the illness.

These are only SOME of the signs. Also, just because you may have these signs does not mean you have BDD its very serious and you should not ‘ self-diagnose’.

Certain factors ‘seem to’ increase the risk.

This will not be for every sufferer of BDD however it is the case for many.

  • Having biological relatives with BDD.
  • Childhood teasing. People used to call me ‘thunder thighs’ and ‘pan face’ which had a very detrimental effect on my self-esteem.
  • Low self-esteem. The vicious circle of being called names, calling names back and allowing things that aren’t that serious become the end of the world.
  • Societal pressure or expectations of beauty. The one reason I hate social media is that I am unhealthily obsessed with it. It doesn’t help your mental state. It doesn’t make you feel better. Even the act of holding a phone is negative and unnatural. We should all get up and out and have a picnic? maybe?

BDD demands attention!

The unwanted concerns caused by BDD are usually very difficult to resist or control and on average they occur 3-8 hours per day. This can obviously change due to each person. These thoughts and concerns can make it crippling for sufferers to do daily tasks. I remember once I was being called from downstairs by my fiance who needed to ask me where something was and I literally started bawling because the sound of my own name was quite horrendous at that initial point in time. There have been numerous occasions where I have said and made plans with people and then completely just not turned up because I am too ashamed and embarrassed to go. Even if I have known these people years. This clearly makes having and keeping friends quite tricky which is why I’m always grateful for when someone understands and partly the reason for this blog post.

Obsessive, repetitive behaviors are a central part of BDD.

Individuals with BDD develop a body focussed repetitive behavior in response to the preoccupations that they have with their appearance. As I said earlier I have suffered from hair pulling, nail biting, lip biting, scratching, tapping, itching, leg shaking, butterfly sickness feeling, actual sickness. It isn’t pretty but it is important to make people aware.  sometimes being uncomfortable is the start of change.

BDD can cause a lot of stress and negatively impact academic performance.

Time-consuming thoughts about appearance make it so difficult to focus on any tasks let alone school work. This can inevitably lead to students failing tests and having trouble concentrating in class. It can also interfere with an individuals ability to interact with classmates and teachers and may even prevent students from attending school at all. I personally, spent the whole of my last two years in high school alone and not attending class. I had a mentor who was in the sixth form at the time who I am so thankful for because her form-time therapy sessions really assisted me in general school and home life and a school who enabled me early study leave.

I am sorry in advance for the slightly negative post but its highly important that I reflect on how far I’ve come so that I can shine a light for others to follow to improve and inspire within their recovery. again, if you have any questions please contact me. I always respond regardless of time of day or night.

Remember, prevention is better than cure. If you find the signs early you can always do something about it. It is never too late.

Thank you for reading,

Stay safe,

love, S x